what if. . .

What if I choose to live my DREAMS?  What if I choose to step outside of my comfort zone?  What if I choose to move faraway from the life I love here in Utah?  What if I choose to create a new life where every damn thing is foreign to me? What if I choose to trust my INTUITION?  What if I choose to STOP listening to all my self doubts?  What if I choose to believe in myself?  What if I choose to leave all my loved ones?  What if I create a new BEAUTIFUL LIFE?  What if I could still practice massage in a foreign country?  What if I stopped stressing about what the future holds and just TRUST?  WHAT IF. . .  WHAT IF. . . WHAT IF. . .

What would happen if I took a leap of faith and did move to London? The answer that keeps coming to me is. . .JUST GO!

Namaste

darkness of a new beginning

Seven years ago:

My life spiraled out of control.  I struggled to find any hope and light in my life for about two years.  I made choices that resulted in chaos, confusion and pain in my life.  I have few fond memories and feelings of those years.  During that time I experienced "good" friends excluding me from hanging out.  I know there were times friends did this on purpose and other times they forgot to invite.  Even more than the hurt of being excluded, I felt God had abandoned me.  To describe those two years in simple terms, I was living in a dark abyss, hurting and in turn hurting others.  To this day, I still experience moments pained by the hurt, chaos and confusion I created those six and seven years ago.

I am grateful to know now, God never abandoned me.  I abandoned God.  Earthly angels came into  my life who gave me unconditional love, friendship, joy, laughter, peace and brought hope back to my life.  These angels saved a human life, mine.  Thank you Emily Dent, Shauntel McAffee and Rhianna Missman for shining your light.

Present day:

Hello darkness.  We know each other well.  It looks to me you have returned to teach another lesson.  

What I know now about these dark moments, days, nights and weeks of my soul is that this time it's not the results of choices I made and I am not creating chaos and confusion.  This darkness is about letting go of my past, forgiving myself, forgiving others, healing, trusting the process and trusting God so that I can live in the NOW.

Dear Darkness, thank you for returning.  Without you I could not have a new beginning.  Because of you I know God is always with me, guiding and loving me. Love, Carolina.

Namaste

winning the lottery

I get anxiety over all the money I owe in medical debt.  How I deal with the anxiety is by not opening my mail and avoiding it all together.  I wouldn't recommend this to anyone if you wish to sleep at night.

Finally one day I muster up some courage to face my fears and anxiety I created.  Sitting on my bedroom floor I begin opening bills at a snails pace one after another and organizing them into piles. One particular envelope contained a letter with no request for payment of damages.  It stated that I am approved for financial assistance through IHC and that they were also approving FA for past medical (two years previous) expenses that exceed $40,000.  I felt like I had one the lottery!

This experience happened a little more than a year ago and is one of the numerous blessings given to me in the year 2012.  For me, this is one reminder that when God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. 

Namaste

the perfection of love

Love is light: the living water of spirit - all else is like a dream.
Love is bliss: the essence of ecstasy, passion, joy and contentment.
Love is peace: it is harmony within and without.
Love is compassion: it is empathy, caring and nurturing.
Love is friendship: the celebration of kindred spirits.
Love is patience: trusting, never worried, nor hurried.
Love is appreciation: cherishing life's gifts, wonders and meaning.
Love is grateful: its blessings are not taken for granted.
Love is accepting: it is infinitely generous, not possessive.
Love is understanding: it is openhearted and faithful.
Love is giving: it is infinitely generous, not possessive.
Love is sharing: communion without envy, jealousy or greed.
Love is forgiving: never condemning, begrudging, nor vengeful.
Love is helpful: it fosters resolution and fulfillment.
Love is kind: never cruel, it is affectionate and supportive.
Love is gentle: embracing sensitivity and tenderness.
Love is strong: it cannot be conquered, subverted, broken or killed.
Love is courageous: stronger than evil, hate, fear and opinion.
Love is humble: perfect integrity without vain, pride or pretense.
Love is spontaneous: without preconception or rehearsal.
Love is expansive: creative, it grows and never shrinks.
Love is ennobling: it is the spirit of true greatness.
Love is enriching: it is life enhancing, the only real wealth.
Love is free: it cannot be sold, bought, captured, nor imprisoned.
Love is whole: indivisible, beyond dualities, separate parts of pieces.
Love is sane: it is neither imaginary nor delusional.
Love is infinite: beyond self, other than self, words and limits.
Love is constant: ageless, self-renewing and fade proof.
Love is now: this timeless, endless moment of creation.
Love is the original miracle: beginningless beginning, the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the key to the gates of Hell and Eden...
To really love is to realize perfection.

~Author Unknown

Namaste

beautiful, abundant and blessed 2013

Happy New Year!  2013, I have big plans for you and I am excited to be a live!

• Grounded.  I am a daughter of God and a child of Light.  Sometimes I forget this.  I then compare myself to others and let their opinions make my decisions.  Confusion sets in and I feel out of place in my own skin.  I can feel myself creating chaos  As I ground myself in spirit, truth and love, I remember to live my life and shine on.

• Open, trust and free-fall.  I choose to open my heart, mind and spirit to all possibilities.  As I trust my spirit and Creator with life, I can feel myself free-falling and loving the experience.  I am creating beauty and happiness everywhere I choose to go and be.

• Balance and wholeness.  I choose wisely as I care for my physical, emotional and spiritual health; and I create balance and wholeness.  I know Creator guides, supports and blesses my life.  I am happy, healthy and whole.

• Christ's Consciousness.  I choose a higher perspective in my relationships, experiences and circumstances.  I choose peace in my heart.  I celebrate life and new beginnings by living Christ Consciousness.

• Laughter, silliness and joy.  As I am choosing to live my life in these spirit ways of being I laugh a lot; I love being silly; and a deep sense of joy is always in my heart.

Yes, yes, yes!  I am creating a beautiful, abundant and blessed 2013!

Namaste

you say victim, i say powerful creator

After finishing chemotherapy (the first time) in 2010, I pondered and reflected a great deal on everything that happened, how I handled the situation, and what would I do differently?  And I have said on many occasions, "Well if I ever had to do this over again, this is what I would do next time" or "this is what I would do  differently."  Words are powerful and I would suggest be conscious of what you ask and wish for, because you might get it.  I did!  And the good news is, I wouldn't change any of it.  I know that might sound strange, but trust me on this one.  I am grateful for the blessing called cancer.

My friend, Rhianna, and I speak often about the connection between our physical bodies, emotions, and spirits; that our souls call forth the lessons we get to learn in this life and how those lessons manifest themselves in our bodies.  I knew if I experienced cancer again (this is what I would do differently...), it would be an opportunity to heal emotionally and spiritually because I didn't create and choose healing the first time.

I have encountered many individuals, who when they find out about my diagnosis they say "that's terrible" or "that sucks" or "I'm sorry" as if I am some kind of victim and deserve pity.  My spirit called this lesson forth and I created this.  I co-created with God so that I can have emotional and spiritual healing, trust my spirit, trust God, and claim everything that God has meant for me to be and that I already AM.  I am no victim, I am a powerful creator.

Namaste