darkness of a new beginning

Seven years ago:

My life spiraled out of control.  I struggled to find any hope and light in my life for about two years.  I made choices that resulted in chaos, confusion and pain in my life.  I have few fond memories and feelings of those years.  During that time I experienced "good" friends excluding me from hanging out.  I know there were times friends did this on purpose and other times they forgot to invite.  Even more than the hurt of being excluded, I felt God had abandoned me.  To describe those two years in simple terms, I was living in a dark abyss, hurting and in turn hurting others.  To this day, I still experience moments pained by the hurt, chaos and confusion I created those six and seven years ago.

I am grateful to know now, God never abandoned me.  I abandoned God.  Earthly angels came into  my life who gave me unconditional love, friendship, joy, laughter, peace and brought hope back to my life.  These angels saved a human life, mine.  Thank you Emily Dent, Shauntel McAffee and Rhianna Missman for shining your light.

Present day:

Hello darkness.  We know each other well.  It looks to me you have returned to teach another lesson.  

What I know now about these dark moments, days, nights and weeks of my soul is that this time it's not the results of choices I made and I am not creating chaos and confusion.  This darkness is about letting go of my past, forgiving myself, forgiving others, healing, trusting the process and trusting God so that I can live in the NOW.

Dear Darkness, thank you for returning.  Without you I could not have a new beginning.  Because of you I know God is always with me, guiding and loving me. Love, Carolina.

Namaste

happy "healthy" holidays

It always seems that when the holidays come around every year I often hear friends complain about all the sweets, worrying about weight gain and being unhealthy.  This year I decided to focus on the positive and create a healthy holiday season.  For the months of November and December I am focusing my blog on being physically, emotionally and spiritually balanced and healthy.

I am asking a few friends who inspire me to be guest contributors and share their experience in creating a healthy life.  There will be a post every Wednesday to inspire having a healthy holiday season.

First post will be Wednesday November 6.

Namaste

the perfection of love

Love is light: the living water of spirit - all else is like a dream.
Love is bliss: the essence of ecstasy, passion, joy and contentment.
Love is peace: it is harmony within and without.
Love is compassion: it is empathy, caring and nurturing.
Love is friendship: the celebration of kindred spirits.
Love is patience: trusting, never worried, nor hurried.
Love is appreciation: cherishing life's gifts, wonders and meaning.
Love is grateful: its blessings are not taken for granted.
Love is accepting: it is infinitely generous, not possessive.
Love is understanding: it is openhearted and faithful.
Love is giving: it is infinitely generous, not possessive.
Love is sharing: communion without envy, jealousy or greed.
Love is forgiving: never condemning, begrudging, nor vengeful.
Love is helpful: it fosters resolution and fulfillment.
Love is kind: never cruel, it is affectionate and supportive.
Love is gentle: embracing sensitivity and tenderness.
Love is strong: it cannot be conquered, subverted, broken or killed.
Love is courageous: stronger than evil, hate, fear and opinion.
Love is humble: perfect integrity without vain, pride or pretense.
Love is spontaneous: without preconception or rehearsal.
Love is expansive: creative, it grows and never shrinks.
Love is ennobling: it is the spirit of true greatness.
Love is enriching: it is life enhancing, the only real wealth.
Love is free: it cannot be sold, bought, captured, nor imprisoned.
Love is whole: indivisible, beyond dualities, separate parts of pieces.
Love is sane: it is neither imaginary nor delusional.
Love is infinite: beyond self, other than self, words and limits.
Love is constant: ageless, self-renewing and fade proof.
Love is now: this timeless, endless moment of creation.
Love is the original miracle: beginningless beginning, the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the key to the gates of Hell and Eden...
To really love is to realize perfection.

~Author Unknown

Namaste

i wrote this for you

This week I have been praying (A LOT) for some extra love and asking God to send me an angel of compassion and kindness.  Well here are a few of them I would like to share with you. I don't usually mention names, but today I will because I want these people to know that something so small that they did has been a blessing to me this week.

Brian Abel, thank you for sharing your artwork with me.  It touches the deepest part of my soul.  Thank you for living your dreams. You shine so much love and light in this world by being true to yourself.

Shauntel Mcaffee, thank you for sharing your kiddos with me.  I loved playing dress up at Tazia's birthday party.

Christine Stewart, in class (touch for health) when I looked in you eyes I felt your unconditional love for me. Because of that I experienced God's unconditional love for me.  I really needed that.

Sharlene Dalley, thank you for asking me to hangout. I love our girl time.  Thank you for all the advice about massage school, licensing and being a therapist.  

Marmee, thank you for being my angel mother. Thank you for having a heart of gold.  Thank you for always giving everything 100%+1.  I am grateful to be your daughter. 

Rhianna Missman, thank you for calling me back.  I love our chats.  I love that we are soul sisters.  I love that we keep our contract and show up for each other.

Julia Sanders, thank you for chatting on facebook.  Thank you for asking me how I am doing.  Thank you for listening.

Ali Huggins, thank you for reading "THE DAY YOU READ THIS" in group this week.  My spirit deserved to hear that. Thank you for always being so awesome in yoga.  I will miss you when you move away.

Melanie Taylor, thank you for your laughter and silliness.  It is perfect timing that we are part of each others lives again.  This is a reminder to both of us that God's timing is the perfect timing.  Lets have fun and get crazy this summer.

Amber Parker, thank you for challenging me to inspire gratitude.  

Thank you to all of you who choose compassion, gentleness, love, forgiveness, humility, sincerity, and authenticity.  You are creating heaven on earth.

God, thank you for sending angels of love this week.  I know your listening.

Love, Cari

My friend Ali read this poem in my cancer support group this week and would like to share it with you.

THE DAY YOU READ THIS
On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realize there were no more fears to fear.  No tears to cry.  No head to hang in shame.  That every time you thought you'd offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that.  That everyone and everything lives on inside you.  That that doesn't make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you're free.  That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you're with is the one you're meant to be with.  That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them.  That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough.  That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people.  That you laugh more than you cry.  That crying is good for you.  That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you.  That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them.  That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else.  That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you're judging them.  That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you'll ever fathom and should be treated as such.  That the difference between a job and art is passion.  That neither defines who you are.  That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world.  That life contradicts itself, constantly.  That that's why it's worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time.  That love is only as real as you want it to be.  That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn't always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it's up to you each day if you match it.  That nothing matters up until this point.  That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future.  Forever.

That rain is beautiful. And so are you!

Written by,
I wrote this for you

Namaste

the pros and cons of bus riding vs. driving my own vehicle

1. I have to plan out my day in advance and sometimes hour by hour.
2. It takes at least twice as long riding the bus and train.
3. I get up an hour earlier then I typically would to be on time to school.
4. I choose sleep over eating breakfast most days because of the early hours of waking.
5. I can eat breakfast on the bus!
6. I don't have to pay for car insurance.
7. I buy a monthly bus pass, instead of spending hundreds of $$$ on gas.
8. I am saving money by riding the bus.
9. If I leave my house even one minute late, I either end up running after the bus (ugh) or miss it altogether.
10. I get exercise walking (or running haha) to the bus stop, home or school.
11. I can read a book, study, do homework, sleep, meditate or write on the bus.
12. I make friends with the bus drivers.
13. Seeing the same faces everyday on the bus, giving a friendly smile and hello.
14. People watching (who doesn't love people watching?).
15. MY FAVORITE ONE... Making new friends at the bus stop, on the bus or train.

One day while waiting for my bus to arrive, I walked over to a bench to have a seat. Sitting on that bench next to me is a man wearing sunglasses, backpack in tow and a long white stick sitting next him.  This man was obviously blind and his name is Warren.  Sitting there together we began conversing about where we were going and life in general.  He inspired me by his kindness, gentle words and that life is still wonderful and good even when it throws some crazy stuff at you.  I am grateful for this moment in time to meet a beautiful soul and connect heart to heart.  I may never see my friend Warren, again. But that day he made a difference in my life and I am a better human being for meeting him!

Namaste

angels

Let's face it, we're all human.  We've all been stuck in a rut.  We've all experienced fear, loneliness, pain and heartache.  We've all lost someone we love whether that be through death or for whatever reason they're no longer part of our lives anymore.  We've all had moments where we ask ourselves, we ask the Universe, we ask God . . .could it get any worse?  And then it does. But then something wonderful and beautiful happens. . .

God sends an angel to give love, strength, courage, healing, a gentle touch, hugs, light, hope and the list goes on.  These angels come in the form of mothers, fathers, siblings, pets, nature, friends and even strangers.

If we ever wonder or see someone struggling let's pray to love with more compassion, sincerity and with an open heart and ask the Universe and God to let spirit guide us.  Being open to spirit and what God asks me to do is my goal.  If I can do that, then I am the hands of God and angel to someone in need of light and love in there life.  Spirit is what makes the difference in my life because I know I am someones angel.

Namaste