fourteen truths I learned from cancer

A few days ago a friend of mine relapsed with colon cancer.  I do not know the details of the situation or his prognosis from the oncologist, yet.  My heart aches for him and his family as I know they are searching for answers and peace.

Hearing about my friend and his relapse has caused some reflection on my own experiences with cancer, my search for answers and finding peace.  The following are things I learned along the way with being a cancer warrior myself.

1. I discovered joy, happiness and self worth.
2. I rocked a bald head proudly and refused to wear hats and scarves (unless it was windy or cold outside).
3. It taught me to live in the present moment.
4. Stop avoiding emotional pain, because when I avoid I create physical disease.
5. It saved my life.
6. It was not a "trial," it was an opportunity to let God heal my heart.
7. It is one of my greatest blessings.
8. I learned to receive the love God has for me.
9. I learned to receive the love that friends, family, doctors, nurses and complete strangers have for me.
10. I learned that as I receive love, my heart expands and I give love more sincerely and authentically.
11. I had a second chance at life (2x).
12. Sometimes healing looks differently then I expect. 
13. Just because someone transitions and passes on into the next life doesn't mean they didn't receive the healing they needed or deserve.
14. If I had a chance to rewrite my life's journey with cancer, I wouldn't change it because of the lessons learned and blessings received from the experience.

Once again, I choose to embrace my cancer journey with gratitude.  I am continually learning that healing is a choice every day of my life and a journey back to God.

Friends, I invite each of you to take a look at what you and others might look at as a struggle, trial or crisis and find the blessings and truth in your own life and experiences.

My sister, Rebekah and me right before I shaved my head.  I honestly did not know how thin my hair was or how sickly I looked until after I shaved it.

Two of my best friends Jill, Rhianna and me right after shaving my head for the first time.  Jill offered to shave it for me and did a fabulous clean smooth job.  This night I learned a lot about the fixed beliefs we have about hair.  Well, I have never felt more beautiful or radiant then I did that night.   This is the night I decided to rock the baldness.

Namaste

darkness of a new beginning

Seven years ago:

My life spiraled out of control.  I struggled to find any hope and light in my life for about two years.  I made choices that resulted in chaos, confusion and pain in my life.  I have few fond memories and feelings of those years.  During that time I experienced "good" friends excluding me from hanging out.  I know there were times friends did this on purpose and other times they forgot to invite.  Even more than the hurt of being excluded, I felt God had abandoned me.  To describe those two years in simple terms, I was living in a dark abyss, hurting and in turn hurting others.  To this day, I still experience moments pained by the hurt, chaos and confusion I created those six and seven years ago.

I am grateful to know now, God never abandoned me.  I abandoned God.  Earthly angels came into  my life who gave me unconditional love, friendship, joy, laughter, peace and brought hope back to my life.  These angels saved a human life, mine.  Thank you Emily Dent, Shauntel McAffee and Rhianna Missman for shining your light.

Present day:

Hello darkness.  We know each other well.  It looks to me you have returned to teach another lesson.  

What I know now about these dark moments, days, nights and weeks of my soul is that this time it's not the results of choices I made and I am not creating chaos and confusion.  This darkness is about letting go of my past, forgiving myself, forgiving others, healing, trusting the process and trusting God so that I can live in the NOW.

Dear Darkness, thank you for returning.  Without you I could not have a new beginning.  Because of you I know God is always with me, guiding and loving me. Love, Carolina.

Namaste

my balance and what works for me

Written by Kilene McFadden

I am grateful that I am able to lead a healthy life.  I have learned through trial and error what works for my healthy development and what has not.

I was diagnosed with depression and Obssesive Compulsive Disorder when I was thirteen years old.  My doctors put me on Zoloft and I took it without question until twenty-six years of age.  I know that it numbed my issues.  I also had what was always assumed to be Psoriasis, an uncomfortable dry, itchy and flaky skin disease.

When I was twenty-six, I was seeing a counselor, who suggested I see a Naturopathic physician.  I had never been to a natural doctor before and went without hesitation.  What a gigantic fundamental step to a healthy progression for me!!!  He did some blood work and found my thyroid was not functioning properly.  Before college I was a fairly petite girl and during college I put on some freshman weight, and more.  After finding out that I had hypothyroidism, it became very clear as to why I was having depressive symptoms and a challenging time losing weight.  I was frequently at the gym and watching my diet.   My wonderful doctor prescribed me Naturthyroid.  Within two weeks of taking it I lost ten pounds.

Last year I found out that I am allergic to wheat and dairy.  This change in my eating habits has blessed me so much!  I feel an increased vitality and my emotional state has truly changed for the better.  I continue to exercise to keep my mind and body rejuvenated and strong.  I deserve the balance and energy so I can take care of my two beautiful children.

What I have learned about nutrition and well being has come over many years of experimentation.  I work hard to eat clean, exercise daily, drink adequate amounts of water and get enough sleep.  I am not perfect and will always be a work in progress.  Just this year I have changed more physically and emotionally then I have before because I make an effort everyday and then make adjustments as I see fit.  This has made a difference in my confidence and my desire to be a happier and healthier me!

Namaste
Kilene


About Kilene:
Kilene was born 1979, in Texas.  The majority of her life she was raised in North Dakota.  She was privileged to live in Belgium for four years as a little girl.  She feels so blessed and happy to share some of the lessons she learned over the years.

She is married to an incredible man and together they have to gorgeous little blessings.  She is mostly a busy mom.  In her free time she does massage, works as a health coach for Beach Body and makes the most out of each day.

happy "healthy" holidays

It always seems that when the holidays come around every year I often hear friends complain about all the sweets, worrying about weight gain and being unhealthy.  This year I decided to focus on the positive and create a healthy holiday season.  For the months of November and December I am focusing my blog on being physically, emotionally and spiritually balanced and healthy.

I am asking a few friends who inspire me to be guest contributors and share their experience in creating a healthy life.  There will be a post every Wednesday to inspire having a healthy holiday season.

First post will be Wednesday November 6.

Namaste

the God letter

My dear Child,

What you choose to experience in your heart will be reflected in your life.  If you choose to be insecure about your physical body, weight, appearance or personality you will experience being jealous, judging, or comparing yourself to others.  Know this, that is your own experience and it doesn't mean it's right.  It doesn't mean it's wrong.  It is what it is.  It's not truth.  It's only an experience of your choosing.

The truth is, you are my child.  You are an infinite divine child of God.  There is no expectation of what you must be or what you must do to be good enough for me or be good enough for yourself.  I created you and I only create perfection. You are enough.  You are whole.  You are complete.  

You are a free agent to choose what you create and reflect in this world.  I am here supporting and loving you on this journey of discovery and creation.  Remember, I do not hate, judge or discriminate any of my children (including you!). 

Until next time,

God

Namaste

mirrors

I am involved with a training where I have the opportunity to be a life coach and mentor.  One of my responsibilities is holding the individual accountable in being there word.

What does "being your word" mean to me?  If I commit to do something and I don't do it, I am out of integrity with my commitment, myself and in my relationships.

An individual who I am coaching, is not keeping several commitments and it is a frustrating situation.  Then a miracle happened. . .the Light brought to my awareness that this person is my mirror.  I am not being my word in a few relationships and areas in my life.

How can I ask this person to be accountable and be their word, if I am out of integrity?  When I am not living my life with integrity, I am causing a ripple effect of contention, anger and anxiety which leads to hate and war.  I am stealing joy, peace and love from all my relationships.  This is an opportunity for me to make a few changes and create different results in my life.  I am grateful for what this particular mirror is giving me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Namaste

accountability

There are a few relationships in my life that I always seem to be in conflict with.  I care deeply for these individuals, but it always feels as though there is a breach or we're clashing heads.  The energy I experience around them is they expect life to be or look a certain way; whatever I do, it's never good enough; I always feel like I am doing something wrong; and most of all, it's not safe or okay to be who I am.

I'll be honest, I've had moments where I've contemplated eliminating these people from my life because of the frustration, anger and hurt I felt.  I believed that would be the answer to my problem.  But. . .

I opened my heart to learn lessons that keep reappearing in my life.  Lesson one: I am accountable for my feelings, emotions, reactions, how I choose to interact with humanity, choices and even the things that just happen to me.  Lesson two: I know my spirit influences and affects each individual I interact with; and I am accountable for the energy I bring in their space.

When I choose to be hurt, angry or blame I am creating limitations that confine and hinder my relationships and myself.  I ask God and the Light to assist me in releasing my pain so that there is space for more love, forgiveness and healing.

Namaste

you say victim, i say powerful creator

After finishing chemotherapy (the first time) in 2010, I pondered and reflected a great deal on everything that happened, how I handled the situation, and what would I do differently?  And I have said on many occasions, "Well if I ever had to do this over again, this is what I would do next time" or "this is what I would do  differently."  Words are powerful and I would suggest be conscious of what you ask and wish for, because you might get it.  I did!  And the good news is, I wouldn't change any of it.  I know that might sound strange, but trust me on this one.  I am grateful for the blessing called cancer.

My friend, Rhianna, and I speak often about the connection between our physical bodies, emotions, and spirits; that our souls call forth the lessons we get to learn in this life and how those lessons manifest themselves in our bodies.  I knew if I experienced cancer again (this is what I would do differently...), it would be an opportunity to heal emotionally and spiritually because I didn't create and choose healing the first time.

I have encountered many individuals, who when they find out about my diagnosis they say "that's terrible" or "that sucks" or "I'm sorry" as if I am some kind of victim and deserve pity.  My spirit called this lesson forth and I created this.  I co-created with God so that I can have emotional and spiritual healing, trust my spirit, trust God, and claim everything that God has meant for me to be and that I already AM.  I am no victim, I am a powerful creator.

Namaste

happy birthday to me!

Today I am 29 years old.  I've decided that I am going to make it the best year of my twenties and go out with a bang.  This next year I will go to where I have never gone before and do things I have never done.

So... Where do I want to go and what do I want to do? 

• Go to massage therapy school and get my massage license
• Gain 20 lbs.
• Write on my blog twice a month
• Go snowboarding for the first time ever
• Get involved with a non-profit organization
• Be of service and volunteer regularly (1-4x month)
• Finish my quilt
• Go on a yoga retreat
• Teach a nutrition class

Now... How will I accomplish these things and get to where I want to go? 

First, be my powerful, courageous self and let my light shine.  Second, be open to the lessons that come my way and learn from them.  Third, let go of attachment and expectation that things have to look a certain way. Fourth, be open to change and that anything is possible.  Fifth, remember to breath and take one step at a time.  Sixth, live in the present moment, be conscious of choices, and love the journey.  Seventh, God is in the details.  God is everywhere and in everything. God is part of my process, my life and my journey.

Namaste.