My life spiraled out of control. I struggled to find any hope and light in my life for about two years. I made choices that resulted in chaos, confusion and pain in my life. I have few fond memories and feelings of those years. During that time I experienced "good" friends excluding me from hanging out. I know there were times friends did this on purpose and other times they forgot to invite. Even more than the hurt of being excluded, I felt God had abandoned me. To describe those two years in simple terms, I was living in a dark abyss, hurting and in turn hurting others. To this day, I still experience moments pained by the hurt, chaos and confusion I created those six and seven years ago.
I am grateful to know now, God never abandoned me. I abandoned God. Earthly angels came into my life who gave me unconditional love, friendship, joy, laughter, peace and brought hope back to my life. These angels saved a human life, mine. Thank you Emily Dent, Shauntel McAffee and Rhianna Missman for shining your light.
Hello darkness. We know each other well. It looks to me you have returned to teach another lesson.
What I know now about these dark moments, days, nights and weeks of my soul is that this time it's not the results of choices I made and I am not creating chaos and confusion. This darkness is about letting go of my past, forgiving myself, forgiving others, healing, trusting the process and trusting God so that I can live in the NOW.
Dear Darkness, thank you for returning. Without you I could not have a new beginning. Because of you I know God is always with me, guiding and loving me. Love, Carolina.