Written by Kellie Mae
We live in a variety of environments. One of the most important ones is the environment within. The environment that we create with our thoughts, thought patterns and desires. It is where we make decisions, compute the world, interact with ourself and come to know who we are. Within, we give place to our ACTions and REACTions, have desires, wants, needs and where all of those things become interpreted and living manifestations. The lives we want to create and allow to be are determined by how fertile the soil is to grow and how the thought patterns cultivate what is there.
I first began thinking of my thoughts when I was introduced to a book from Louise Hay, a metaphysical teacher. She invites you to begin to pay attention to your thoughts and be honest with what you find and see that they can change if they need to. It is a thought and a thought can change. The fertile soil within us comes from our thought patterns. The thought patterns that we allow cultivate and create determine the life we are creating and allowing to grow.
I decided to apply this to the thoughts I had of myself and began to pay attention to all the reflective surfaces a round me. I discovered when I looked at myself I had thoughts about myself, most of them judgmental in a negative way: Look at my hair, oh fat, I don't really like this shirt, or I look sad/tired/ugly, etc. I found I was saying things to myself that would never say to anyone else. This created a negative, unhealthy, even sometimes hostile environment and the positive, happy life I wanted was unable to take root. I was blinded by these thought patterns and couldn't see the forest of trees. The positive interactions that were what I wanted and thought I was cultivating. I wanted to have people love me, but I did not see or receive when others would compliment. When someone told me I was pretty I would excuse or say something negative really fast:
Them: "Good Job." Me: "I messed up."
Them: "You look pretty." Me: "My hair wouldn't do what I wanted it to."
A thought is a thought and a thought can change. I began to create more abundant, fertile thought patterns by saying I love me when I looked at myself in mirrors, windows, toasters, microwave doors, computer screens and wherever I noticed seeing me. And I began to "see" me. For the truth that I am. A beauty FULL, strong, changing for the better, woman. Not perfect, but perfecting. Healthier, more truthful, honest, and POSITIVE thoughts led to manifestations in my mind, body and spirit. A greater balance of my Being. The happiness I had always wanted and knew was to be in my life began to take root.
The natural things or fruit, that manifested due to happier thought patterns were losing 85 lbs, improved relationships, acceptance of the truths others spoke about me, a happy relationship with food, an increased desire for the happiness of others, running races (including a marathon and several half marathons), freedom from binding negativity, increased peace and deeper meditations. I love myself enough to allow and accept others to love me. I found deeper, more meaningful, powerful and absolute JoyFULLest relationships have come into my life and stayed. I am worth it. It has deepened my love of myself, life and all around me. I know that people are genuine and as I have a greater love for me, I see their honest love and care of me and desire for my happiness. No one is twisting their arms to be nice to me. This has nurtured healthy relationships, sacred human moments, and I allowed them to stay and be my most favorite from things I've grown.
I still have negative thoughts and experiences that stretch and expand me. For example, there are occurences that come to strengthen and nurture relationships. Ones that come that bring us to a deeper love and knowledge of ourselves, even if that includes change. I used to perceive that if things change, if a thought pattern needs to shift, that I had done something wrong. I know now that change is necessary to progress and continue to grow. What worked for me yesterday may not work for me today. I am open to change and that change increases my love of myself and welcomes positive growth.
A friend from China who is Buddhist described experiences this way: You are a tree and things come that move you like the wind. They blow and move through your branches, but you are rooted and these experiences strengthen your roots. Through this description of being a tree, I see things so differently now. I don't label things as bad or good. I move through them and have increased faith and happiness. I allow thoughts to occur to me, not define me. The ones that I choose to cultivate, I choose to apply in a healthy, increasing light and love kind of way. I increased connection with my emotions and find the balance that comes when I utilize my thoughts to guide me through understanding and trust.
A practice of yoga has also greatly improved this balance. It quiets my mind and brings me to now. I seek moments of stillness found in nature, quiet meditations, peaceful seekings found in temples of my faith and sacred human moments. If I rehash and stay in the past or worry about the what ifs of the future, I separate myself from me, from my sacred present and begin to feel I don't have a choice. When I take a deep breath and bring myself to NOW in my thinking, I find I learn from the past. I don't live in it and I trust the future to bring me increased happiness, joy and deeper connection. I learned to change thoughts of unhealthy or unattainable expectations and embrace the manifestations of truth and beauty. I do not hold others to what I expect them to do or how they need to fulfill what I want and desire. They, too, are learning and cultivating their own environment and experiences. We can be a blessing to each other and by not determining how that will look has allowed our relationships to grow and deepen.
The "negative" happenings of life are what I now call soul stirring experiences. It gives me power and recognition of my choice. I create and cultivate more openly and beautifully, manifesting in a stronger body, art work, written words, song writing and deeper more meaningful relationships with myself, family, friends and all I'm blessed to connect with daily.
One of my most improved relationships has been my connection with food. If something went wrong, I would eat. A lot. If something went right, I would celebrate with food. A lot. It was therapy, my crutch and a source that I led myself to think was one of the only happinesses I had in my life. I was not utilizing food for its purpose. I found that I would eat and never even taste my food. Now, as I have a more healthy and deeply rooted positive relationship with myself and thought patterns, I eat to sustain my life and to celebrate and enjoy in moderation. It has created a greater energy and improvement to my running and the way I live my life. I am more confident and reach out more to those around me. I want to share my happiness and I have greater confidence in who I am and what I can accomplish, for myself and those around me. I still eat for enjoyment. I will buy a box of Captain Crunch and eat the entire thing...in one sitting...with a very big grin on my face. As I do this though, I don not have guilt because of balanced choices I make and thoughts I have. I also truly enjoy vegetables and fruits. My thoughts and connections to myself show in my choice of food. This positive connection to food continually improves my thought patterns and cultivates greater happiness in my life.
A healthy and nurturing environment is what we need. As we approach this, we can see that balanced change can take place. Like pruning a tree, we need the knowledge to do it. To remove and add branches (thought patterns and actions), to strengthen our roots and allow growth to take place and trusting our processes takes love, care, understanding and the release of fear. It is important to have love and patience, not removing all the bad without cultivating and strengthening the good. It is a balancing act and takes patient attention. Einstein said that if he had ever thought of anything great, it was owing more to patient attention than to any other talent. We need our own patient attention. Our thought are a powerful beginning. Cultivate and LIVE Greatness. It is not only in all of us, IT IS US.
Namaste and Happy thoughts to you.
About Kellie Mae:
Kellie grew up in the lovely land of Sandy, Utah amongst four sisters and incredible parents, travelling, adventuring and becoming.
Their home became a four generation, twelve person home where laughter and service were daily occurrences. She attended the University of Utah, receiving a bachelors in Medical Laboratory Sciences, specializing in Cytotechnology. Kellie spent a year and a half in Oregon coming to know myself, serving and loving the people that became family as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
She spend her time now in and around the beautiful Heber Valley and wherever her free spirit carries me - being Kellie...a singer/song writer, artist, creator, writer and cytologist.
Kellie is a lover of cereal, people, happiness, canoeing in the Red Ninja, discovery, change, beanies, peace, mountains, Alaska, running, adventure, connection, family, friends and doing something every day that scares her.